Good morning and Happy Holidays to all of you who are undoubtedly doing those last minute preparations for the big day...
This will probably be my last blog until we return from Christmas break on the 29th so I'd thought I'd finish up the year with something that everyone loves to hate...The Christmas Newsletter:)
As 2009 comes to a close, I cannot help but reflect on the year that has passed by...a year that for me...has not only had it's share of highs, lows, and in between times..but a year where circumstances have changed me, enlightened me, and taught so much about myself. Some of the things...hard to swallow and tough to accept but... invaluable learning experiences that have provided me with a few more missing pieces of life's puzzle and my place in it. I have learned the true value of taking a long hard look at one self in the mirror and finding honesty there...not always pretty...but an excercize that I think will lead me in the direction I need to go to find fulfillment in all areas in my life.
The beginning of 2009 was dominated by some big career movement...I had just shot my first national commercial for Easyhome when the calendar switched to January...I didn't know it at the time but doing this one commercial opened up so many doors for me....agents finally started returning my phone calls...after signing with one...I began going on auditions and making the trek down to Toronto sometimes 3-4 times per week...my role with Easyhome as their spokeperson also unexpectedly grew from shooting two commercials to appearing in their print ads...hosting their new website videos...voicing all of their voicemails, tv commercials and in store dvd's as well...I had no idea when I was making the white knuckle drive to Toronto in a blizzard for the commercial exactly one year ago today, that it would blossom like it has...what a great opportunity it's been and I thank them for believing in me and being so good to me over this past year.
Of course changes are like dominoes...all of these new opportunities also meant that I had to make a very tough decision to leave my other family at Rogers TV after 7 years...it was tough because that was where I learned everything I know about television...they believed in me before anyone else did and I have loved the time I spent there...but...it was time to leave...I am certainly not comparing myself to Oprah...but..as she said when she announced her resignation...she felt it in her bones that it was time to go...and I felt the same way...on a MUCH smaller scale:)
As 2009 progressed...B101 was as busy as ever...my days and weeks were filled with auditions...and working for Easyhome...all of that grinded to a halt though once rehearsals began for my second season with Theatre by the Bay for Twelfth Night...and although it was a wonderful experience that I wouldn't trade for anything...the toll of the later hours...the long days...and pulling double duty here at B101 really took a toll ...it was the first time in my life that I was so depleted that I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to pull it off...my body turned on me...I got a virus that lasted for two months... lost fifteen pounds...and literally slept for a week after it was over...being a perfectionist when it comes to my work...and not being able to be the best I could be are the reasons that I decided that...as much as I LOVED the experience... I wasn't going to return for a third season in 2010...I have too much respect for Theatre by the Bay as a company to give them anything less than my best...and as long as I'm getting up at 3am and the curtain is going down at 11pm...I just dont think that's possible...not sure how to fill my summer this year without it but I'm excited to see what adventures await:)
On a personal note..2009 was also the year that I took a deliberate hiatus from the dating world...after dating someone this spring...for the first time in my single life...I decided that I wanted off the ride for a little while...not because I've had terrible experiences...I really haven't...mine have been rather tame by most standards...but because when you're single on the dating scene...especially when you're single at 36 with your child bearing years ticking away...somehow...before you know it.. your whole life becomes about your love life....
When you're dating someone new...it's a bit of an event...there's the sometimes daily updates with your well meaning girlfriends ...all family get togethers are dominated by conversations about who you're dating and how it's going...everyone from your mother to your hairdresser wants to meet the guy...and it becomes the primary focus of conversation everywhere you go...in short...I was starting to forget that I was a whole human being before I started dating...a human being with other interests besides my love life...a human being with a career that needed some attention...and a human being who was starting to forget who she was...at least who she was when she wasn't being defined by her love life...
I was finding I was craving real conversations about real issues that had nothing to do with my love life..I wanted to talk about politics...self improvement...family dynamics...I wanted to go to museums...on day trips...watch movies that I wanted to see...go on a trip...take my sense of humour out of storage...I missed talking to my friends about life...their lives...other people's lives...and my life without dating...I also wanted to take some time to process what had happened so far and take a good hard look at my role in why things may not have worked out...I have learned the hard way that when you dont allow yourself the proper amount of time to heal and process in between relationships..you begin operating from a place of fear...which will never bring you what you want..you basically become the Buffalo Bills of the dating world...you choke when it counts...and THAT..will be my first and last sports analogy for 2009:)
I wanted to work on myself so that I can be the kind of person I want to take out into the world...I read books...I was a sponge...and...it's been wonderful...I feel more like myself than if I'm honest.. I've probably felt in a long time...I'm laughing alot again...the deep belly laughs that make you feel warm all the way to your toes...I'm appreciating the things I have in my life more...my family...my friends...my home...my co-workers...and most importantly...I feel like that whole human being again...she wasn't gone...she was just a little lost for a little while...I've got my sea legs back and I'm looking forward to seeing what's in store for 2010:
Lastly...I want to wish all of you a wonderful Christmas...I know this isn't an easy time of year for alot of people...I cant help but think of the Sinton family this time of year as they face their first Christmas without Stan their beloved son, father, and husband...or Helen and Jane Brown who will be missing Arch..the Patriarch of their clan this year around the Christmas tree...and of the loved ones you've maybe had to say goodbye to whose names didn't make the news...angels all around you this holiday season...we're thinking of you here today...and always...
Happy Holidays my friends and we'll see you in 2010:)